Confessions of a Closet Junkie

I've been living a lie.

For years I've been avoiding high-tech gadgetry under the facade of desiring a simple life. Fundamentally, I have not changed my point of view. I really do like a simple life in most respects - I am far from "cutting-edge" when it comes to this subject, and I still despise electronic equipment that speaks to me.

However.

Lately, I find myself being sucked further and further into the vortex of high-tech society. I've been rolling my eyes and complaining loudly against the technological tidal wave that seems to be invading my life (with the willing and gleeful aid of my husband). But on the inside...I'm smiling. Giggling, actually.

You may remember the livid hatred I harbored against the navigation system in my vehicle. Well, it turns out the software was out-of-date and not functioning well, thus landing me at the wrong location more than once. Not cool. Then my husband sent for the system updates. Now, it performs with much more accuracy, AND the turn-by-turn feature works - a big plus for a map-challenged person such as myself. I find that I am beginning to "fraternize with the enemy" on a more regular basis now, and it is delivering me safely to my destination with high reliability. As long as I keep the voice prompts off, we get along just fine.

The navigation system is not the only thing I've gotten chummy with: a new laptop that puts the things I work on during the day at my fingertips instead of down in the basement, a sweet camera/videocamera combo that I would sleep with if I could...in more than one area, I feel my resolve beginning to slide...

The death blow came this week. My husband bought me a new cell phone. Our coverage was ending and he wanted to try something new. I told him I just wanted a basic cell phone - one that makes and receives phone calls, that's it. He smiled in a patronizing manner and patted my shoulder. "Seriously," I said, "don't get me some high-tech thing that's gonna drive me crazy and confuse me to no end. I want simple. Period!" He just turned and walked out of the room.

On Tuesday, my doorbell rang. It was the friendly UPS man. He had brought my new phone. I harbored the suspicion that my husband had not listened to my pleas for a low-tech phone, so I didn't even open the box. I secretly delighted in my smug refusal to touch the thing, knowing that it would greatly stick in my husband's craw. Sure enough, Samson came home that night and choked at the sight of His Precious still sealed in the box. "Deal with it," I said.

He lovingly took the phone out of the box and gently caressed it. He cradled it in his hand and spoke softly and lovingly to it. "It's a Palm Pre," he said, "it's really awesome." "Good," I said, "you keep it!" And he did, for 24 hours. He took it to work with him the next day and showed it to all of his friends. They thought it was cool too. He came home that night and started to show me everything that it could do - touch screen, web access, e-mail, text messaging, endless applications for everything you could possibly imagine. "La-la-la-la, I'm not listening!" I said.

The man is persistent. Eventually, I begrudgingly took the...thing...in my hands and started checking out what it could do. "Hey, is that my blog it just pulled up?" "Yep!" he said, with a grin that just about split his face. "And look at this..."

An hour later, I was sending my first ever text message to a dear friend of mine. A friend who has been texting for months. A friend who I've given brutal grief to for the fact that she texts like a teenager. And here, I feel the need to insert...

I'm sorry, Bert!

I went to bed that night with visions of applications dancing in my head. Now, just 2 short days later, I've completely succumbed. Did you know this thing automatically syncs with my computer and downloads all the information it needs to make my life a dream?! Addresses, phone numbers, e-mail, calendar, etc. It's amazing!

What need does a stay-at-home mom have for such high-tech gadgetry, you ask? None whatsoever. But since when does need have anything to do with obsession?

Call me a hypocrite, call me a product of our twisted culture, call me a traitor. Sticks and stones, my friends!

I heart my Palm Pre!!!

P.S. Honey - I bought a new purse today to go with my new phone. Hope you don't mind! ~Love, Dee