Parenthood

I realize we're a little behind the times, and everyone else saw this movie ages ago, but my husband and I just watched Marley and Me last night for the first time. First of all, I just have to say, this movie contained the world's funniest line ever: Mom has baby #3 and Dad brings their two sons to the hospital to see the new baby. One of the sons says, "Mommy, Daddy says her name is 'Whoops!'"

Oh, I've sooooo been there!!

But there was another part of the movie that really resonated with me. Two kids into the deal, the husband and wife have a huge fight because they're exhausted and overwhelmed. Later, as they're talking it through, the wife says, "No one ever tells you how hard this is going to be." The husband says (something like), "Oh, yes they do, it's just that you can't possibly comprehend it and you don't really believe them."

Oh, I've sooooo been there too!!

A couple of years ago, my husband's aunt and uncle and their oldest son were at our house. The son is a single guy who's my age. During one of our typically chaotic moments (little people everywhere, noise level rivaling a shuttle launch, and something burning in the kitchen) he turned to me in an uncharacteristically serious mood and asked, "When you look at this...do you think to yourself, 'What on earth have we gotten ourselves into?' or do you think, 'YES! This is exactly what we've always wanted!'?" He wasn't being sarcastic - my husband's and my desire for a lot of kids has been well known in our families since we were teenagers. He truly wanted to know if we had gotten what we had always hoped for.

My mind flew back to all the times before we had children that I had tried to pick someone's experienced brain about what it was going to be like. All the advice everyone had ever given; all the ways they had tried to explain the dichotomy of it all. In the past 9 years, I've thought to myself so many times, "Why doesn't anyone ever tell you this stuff?!" But the truth is...they did. Hundreds of times. Somehow, I just didn't get it. So, I thought to myself, this is my chance! I have a naive, inexperienced, inquisitive person looking me in the face and basically asking me what to expect. What do I say to him that will actually sink in and help him understand the twisting, plunging rollercoaster we call 'parenting'?

And just then, words failed me. (It doesn't happen often.) I looked that lovable guy in the face and said something brilliant like, "It's a lot of hard work, but we wouldn't trade it for the world." (Gee...thanks, Cuz! That's original!)

But, really, how can you possibly describe it? How do you explain to someone what it's like to have your life-long dreams, even your identity, wrapped up in a tiny, yet-unformed person, and then have to say goodbye before you ever get to meet them? How do you explain the fear that maybe it's always going to be that way and you'll never have a healthy pregnancy? How do you explain the exhilaration that comes from seeing a little baby, your little baby, on an ultrasound screen, and hearing the technician say, "It's a girl!"? How do you explain the paralyzing fear that stabs through your heart the next instant when you realize that in 4 months that little girl is going to make her entrance into the world, and you yourself will be her only means of survival?

How do explain the depths of post-partum depression? The ugly, dark, scary times when nothing is what you hoped it would be, you're a horrible parent, an even worse spouse, and you wonder if everyone would be a whole lot better off without you? How do you explain the strain on a marriage that happens when you stop seeing your spouse as someone you love and cherish, and instead start viewing them as the only thing keeping your head above water? How do you explain how it feels to not even be able to recognize yourself anymore?

How do you explain the breath-taking beauty of life...the toes, the fingers, the lips, the fuzzy hair, the baby smell, the precious sounds, the toothless grins, the first ride without training wheels, the hand that reaches up for yours...and the fact that you will never again in your entire life find yourself the possessor of your own heart? How do you explain the unparalleled feeling of hearing your fourth and final child ask Jesus to come live in her heart, and the flooding realization that all of your children are safely in His grasp?

How do you explain the exhaustion, the laughter, the joy, the wonder, the worry, the frustration, the questions, the staggering responsibility, the despair, the pride, the privilege...

You can't. No one can. Being a parent is at once, beautiful and terrifying. I can't put into words the reaction in my heart when someone asks me these kinds of questions. I just know that I'm grateful - grateful for my children, grateful for my husband, and most of all grateful for the grace of God that keeps me on my feet through this amazing adventure of parenthood.