My husband has been watching a series of DVDs about the life of John Adams. He has really enjoyed them. History is...not my thing. Thus, I haven't been watching them with him. Until last night. He was wrapping up the series with the last DVD, and as I was passing through the room I got sucked in. The man does that to me a lot - first Star Trek, then Miami Vice re-runs, now HISTORY of all things. I think he knows: "If I play it, eventually she just can't help herself!" Anyway, the movie portrayed John Adams as having a very special relationship with his wife, Abigail. I was commenting on this to my husband and he replied, "She was his strength."I haven't been able to shake that comment all last night and all today. I don't know about your husbands, but mine doesn't frequently reflect on relationships...at least not out loud. I started pondering how much I want to be that kind of wife for my husband - the kind he can count on; the kind that braces his spirit against the world.
I have frequently told my husband over the years that he is not allowed to die first. Yes I know, God is in control of that decision and He's not likely to ask me my opinion first. But still...I want it out on the table anyway. A coward I may be, but I don't want to do life without him, and thus, I want to be the first to go. Last night I began to think, wouldn't it be wonderful if, after I die, people were able to say, "She was his strength." I'm not talking about trying to take the place in his life that is rightfully God's. I'm speaking from a human perspective. As soon as I tried to picture myself in that light, however, I realized...that's not me. God alone knows how much that man is my rock. He is the strong one; the unshakable one; the one who can look hardship in the face and against all odds say, "Bring it on, one step at a time"; the one who can always bring sound, Godly counsel to bear on a situation. He brings confidence and stability to everything that I do. Good grief, he's my strength, how on earth could I ever expect to be his?
Marriage is like a dance. It is fluid; ever-changing in pattern and form and rhythm. Through all the movement, however, there remains a perfect partnership; a balance and a symmetry. The most beautiful and intricate dances result when both partners know their strengths and their role, and pair it perfectly with the other's. The most beautiful marriages are born of the same. Each pair is completely unique. The perfect dance partner for one person would make a dreadful fit for another. Partners are carefully chosen - both in dance, and in love.
I believe that my husband and I are perfect partners, carefully chosen by God and matched together. When we are both gone, it should very well be said, "He was her strength." I hope with all my heart that it can be said in kind,
"She was his joy."
11 comments:
It will be said.
I have read two biographies of John Adams. He and Abigail did indeed have a very special relationship. Early in their marriage, when he was away in Washington without her, they were both miserable being apart and wrote love letters to one another. They enjoyed the times they had together in Paris and Holland while he was in the Foreign Service. They both appeared to hate the presidency, He because his administration was being undermined from within, led principally by Thomas Jefferson his VP, she because she couldn’t stand to have her husband criticized – mostly unfairly.
In their hearts they most wanted to live in peace on their farm, serve God and their neighbors, enjoy each others constant presence and love, and leave the leading of our fledgling nation to others. But they both also knew that was not the course chosen for them, so they sacrificed and served over and over again.
He was truly a great man and they a great couple. As a nation we owe them a great debt for their sacrifice. You and Samson would be hard pressed to find a better example for your marriage.
What a sweet sweet post, Dee. You've summed up your partnership so beautifully.
Mark told me before we got married that our life was like a dance. He told me that he'd step on my feet a few times before we "get the moves down". :) My mom also ALWAYS used the phrase..."Behind every good man in a good woman." I see myself as the "behind the scenes gal"! :) No one really will ever know what I do but that's OK.
Wow, from the perspective of someone who is not married, that was awesome to read.
I hope that God brings that person to me, and that I can recognize them as the one for me. I don't want to try and fail and try again. I want the perfect dance partner for me to be the only one I dance with.
Very awesome D.
Just what I needed to do at work today....cry!
E - :-)
Diane - Lest I mislead you, I truly believe that being the perfectly-matched partner to someone is an act of the will. Yes, it's important to choose a Godly person whom you love. But after that, marriage is largely a choice. You can choose to mold your strengths to the strengths of the person you're married to, or you can focus on the parts of them you think don't fit you so well and let it all fall apart. Half the discovery of marriage is figuring out how to make it work when it looks like it can't. I love my husband dearly, but he is not perfect, and neither am I.
The best marriage advice I could ever give you is to spend time in God's Word and prayer every day, and let it influence your life. The second-best piece of advice is this:
Early on, make a list of all the things you adore and enjoy about your husband. Keep it! When, at a later date, you start to notice all the things you don't like about him and all the ways he "falls short" of your dreams - pull out that list. Choose to dwell on and revel in the things about him that you enjoy, and choose to ignore the rest.
Very wise advice. How'd ya ever get so smart?
Ok D, I know what you are saying. It is seriously some of the best advice I have ever been given about marriage. I also just finished reading Rob Bell's book Sex God. It is about the relationship between spirituality and sexuality. It in some ways went hand in hand with what you told me.
Dad - I had very good teachers. :-)
Post a Comment