If you want to understand your children, give them a dollar.It's an interesting study. I don't know what your philosophy of "allowance" is for your kids - my husband and I can't even totally agree on our own! As it currently stands, each of our children gets $1 a week (when I remember). It's not a reward for doing chores, it's "free", and it's intended to help them learn to manage money. This dollar comes in the form of 4 quarters:
~ 1 goes in their piggy bank to save. (My oldest daughter asked me what she's saving for - when does she get to spend it? I don't know yet...the point is, YOU CAN'T TOUCH IT!)
~1 goes in their "give" wallet. This is the money that they give back to Jesus.
~2 are theirs to keep. They put them in their "spend" wallet and can use them however they want.
How each of my children handle their "spend" money tells me a lot about them. My oldest daughter's cash burns a hole in her pocket from the second she gets it to the second she spends it on something. She is constantly saying to me, "Mom, I need you to take me to the dollar store - I have money to spend." She'll even buy something that she doesn't want that badly, just to be able to SPEND her money.
My son...the complete opposite end of the spectrum. He could tell you, down to the cent, how much money he has in his wallet. It's a lot, and he doesn't spend it. Sometimes he dumps it out on his bed and counts it again, just for the fun of it. I'm convinced that this child's dresser will break from the weight of his wallet before he ever spends one cent of it!
Being a saver is a good thing. Making wise and thoughtful use of their money is something I want to encourage in my children. What's interesting between these first two of my children is that my DAUGHTER is the one who is overwhelmingly generous. Yes, she has a hard time holding onto a buck for longer than 3 days, but on the other hand she gives it away to someone else just as quickly. For a while, our church handed out little boxes that families could use to collect money to go to the people in Cambodia. One of the uses for that money is to help out children in need who struggle to even eat in a day. That did it for my daughter. She couldn't handle the thought of that. Every week that box sat in our house, she placed in it not only her "give" quarter that she was required (by us) to give; she also placed in it both "spend" quarters that were hers to keep. She actually said to me one day, "They need it more than I do, Mom." In the summer, when the ice cream truck comes around, she loves to spend her money to buy ice cream. Unless...her sister doesn't have enough money to get anything. My oldest daughter can't stand the sight of her sister crying because she can't have a treat. She will gladly and quickly spend her money on getting her sister a yummy and go without one herself.
My son? He'll never have to worry about credit card debt, or not having enough money to buy his first car, but he also tends to be a rather...begrudging...giver.
Even more interesting to me is my third child. She is old enough to understand the concept of money, and she knows what it can buy, but it appears to be accruing in her wallet week after week completely outside of her knowledge. Why? Because having spending money is a luxury for my children. They don't NEED anything. What we don't buy for them, their grandparents do. Still, even given that situation, most children will enjoy a little spending cash in their pocket to buy just one more thing they might have their eye on. That seems to be a concept that my third child is oblivious to. She has what she needs, she has much of what she wants, and she's good with that. You could look at that as a pathetic indication of how rich we are in America - that thought has occurred to me. However, in her case, I see it more as an indication of contentment. She has enough. About the only thing that will shake her from this perpetual state of contentment is the familiar music-box tune of the ice cream truck! :-)
My fourth child, my baby girl, is still in the stage of life where money is seen more as something shiny to play with than as an object of value!
My kids make me think about myself. As a parent, have you ever encountered that "the-student-becomes-the-teacher" phenomenon? Each of my children has positive aspects to the way they use their money that I want to emulate. I want to be overwhelmingly generous like my oldest daughter. I want it to hurt my heart when someone else is in need and act quickly to help. I want to be a good saver like my son; to wisely use and ration the resources that God has given me so that when something big comes along, I'm not found wanting. And perhaps more than anything, I want to be like my third child...completely content in the many blessings that my Father has already provided for me.
So...if you want to understand yourself, take a look at what YOU might do with a dollar.
8 comments:
Neat observations mom. Your son is just like his uncle R. That is exactly how he dealt with his allowance. I was more like your eldest. I spend most of my time trying to find your #3's relationship with money. It seems to have the most freedom and joy.
I'm a little of everything. I'm just REALLY glad I managed to be lucky enough to marry a guy who can manage the "everything!"
It's funny about #3. My sister just wrote an article about how her teenagers lose things then ask mom where it is. She said she never had that much to lose as a kid! If she would have asked mom "where's my jeans?" she would have been standing there in her underwear b/c we only had one pair of jeans! We do have so much don't we?!
Wow--you could have this published--very nice piece of writing, girl! The way you described your kids money personalities makes sense. My kids don't make sense to me. Mackenzie is a saver and a spender and generous in such a balanced nice way that it amazes me. She will easily give $100 away to someone in need. She will agonize to spend $80, but will do it if it means seeing Fiddler on the Roof at the Orpheum. But she will not easily spend $4 at Culvers. Isaak on the other hand--money in drawers and pockets, often falling out in the laundry. He rarely spends it, and if he does, he doesn't think too hard about it. He isn't as likely to offer it to someone in need, either, but is pretty quick to spend it on going to Culvers. But I must say he's getting better at saving it for something he really wants. He saved nearly $400 to buy a guitar. I can't figure them out. I think it's a maturity/spiritual maturity issue for my kids. In an effort to train them to use money, we give them an allowance each week and they earn money by babysitting, mowing, newspaper route, and shoveling.
Kristi -
That's the difference between having kids that are 8 years old and under and having teenagers! I'm very confident that within a few years, mine won't make sense anymore either!! :-)
An excellent effort. You write beautifully. Such balance in description, in the tying together of thoughts and concepts. Outstanding conclusion. If ever you had doubts as to why it is good and fun to blog...read your latest entry. Beautifully done.
As your children grow you will, like Kristi, become a little less clear on who they are, based upon their behavior. Save this last entry! You will find that the personalities you see know will re-emerge as they grow into adulthood. I love that part of God's plan for growing us. Interesting thought that He is growing US. Seed to plant, plant to fruit, fruit to seed, seed to plant. Many metaphoric possibilities there. In all states the plant (us) is what it is, an apple seed, grape seed, acorn, sunflower. What you are seeing in your children is that beautiful bloom that screams out to all creation "Here I am. This is how God made me." Life's winds will blow, rain will come, some snow, some dry spells for each child. In their late twenties it is most likely they will look very, very similar to what you see now. An, in Christ, so, so wonderful.
You know, Delilah, some of us old folks knew pretty much what you and Samson would look like by this time in your lives. We were very confident that the two of you would be bringing glory to the Lord.
Oh, by the way, since when is 25% the going tithing rate? Seems pretty oppressive to me. I think I'll call your kids and let them know a dime is all that is really necessary! At least from an Old Testament standpoint. Then we will see who they really are! LOL :)
Bruce - if you dare to tell my kids about the "tithing" concept so that I am bound to dish out 40 DIMES each week, the payback is not going to be pretty!!! 25% is purely for Mom and Dad's convenience! :-)
My four children are very diverse, too. My oldest could save forever, the second one will spend it in a heart beat, the third will try to talk the fourth into putting their money together to buy something that the third one wants. The fourth will save his money until there is really something that he wants. Thankfully they will all share their money if there is someone that needs it.
Something fun that happened this last summer...my hubby took the boys with him to visit some of the homeless guys that he had seen up by Walmart north. Hubby had gotten to know them after a few weeks of taking them some food. It had such an impact on them. They still talk about visiting with the homeless guys and that they can't wait to go see them after winter is over. They loved taking food and other necessities to them. They have also talked about saving up their money to share with them.
like others already said, VERY COOL POST!
One thing that struck me was the "What am I saving for?" question. For a long time, I was more like #2 - squirreled everything away but I didn't know what for.
As I got older, I thought I was doing so well -- saving so much. But when I attended a personal finance seminar, i was struck by the question: Are you saving... or hoarding? Saving was setting aside certain amounts of money to spend on certain future things (well, and the unknown emergencies that will "certainly" happen); hoarding was keeping money after that point, keeping money that God might very well want me to give away.
And now I'm trying to figure out how to pass that on to my children. Like you said, there's so little they need to buy for themselves, at least at this point. But what we've done for now is have a little list in their savings container with up to 5 things they're saving for and how much they need for it. And we decided it had to be on the list for a certain amount of time before they can buy it -- to cut down on impulse purchases when they realize how much they've saved up...
Sorry this got so long, i better stop now...
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