I don't frequently question my choice to be a stay-at-home wife and mom. I believe in my job, and I know it's important. Every once in a great while, however, my confidence wavers. It happened this morning.
It was a morning of running errands. My little sidekick and I darted all over town getting things done. One of my stops was the Olive Garden. We weren't there to eat, I just needed to pick up a few gift cards. We walked up to the counter and waited behind a woman who was there to pick up a business lunch to-go for 14 people. She was flawless. Dressed in a perfectly tailored size-4 business suit and stylish pointed-toe shoes, she clutched an expensive Coach handbag and quietly conducted business on her Blue-Tooth phone. She was the picture of refinement - every movement controlled, feminine and elegant. She exuded importance, and commanded respect.
Then there was me. I slightly over-estimated the weather this morning, and was sporting shorts, a tank top and flip-flops (that's classy). I stood there holding the hand of an adorable 3-year-old in a Tinkerbell sundress and pigtails, who was using me as a maypole.
As I looked at the other woman, I suddenly found myself wondering, "Is that the life that I signed away at 17 years old, when I decided that my heart was, and forever would be, tied up in creating a home and a family? Is that what could have been? And, more importantly, would I change it?"
It only took me 2.3 seconds to answer myself - "No. I wouldn't change it for the world." I only had to think back 4 hours to convince myself. That same 3-year-old sat at the breakfast table this morning, eating her oatmeal and banana. As I headed up the stairs to get dressed (albeit poorly), she stopped me by saying, "Hey Mommy...I really like you." (I really like you too, Peanut.) Then I thought back to dinner the night before, when my oldest daughter commented that she was really glad Mom was there to greet her when she got home from school that day, because she had had a bit of a rough day. Her Daddy then added, "I'm really glad that Mommy is here when I get home too." (Priceless!)
Many women manage both a family and a career beautifully. I respect that immensely. I also know that I wouldn't do it well. I'm too all-or-nothing, and when I get stressed, my family gets the short end of the stick. And, truth be told, my heart just isn't in a career - this truly is everything I've ever wanted. I've made my life choices purposefully, thoughtfully, and true to who I am. I wouldn't change them.
So, why was the woman at the counter still getting under my skin?
In a word...excellence. This was a woman who paid attention to detail; who pushed herself, challenged herself, and earned the respect of those around her. She wouldn't know a slip-shod job if it hit her in the head.
Do I strive for that kind of excellence? No, not always. It's just too easy to be lazy in my job. Seriously, who's going to fire me?? At 17 years old, I consciously committed my heart and soul to the task of someday building a home. I have that home now. Do I pour my whole heart and soul into it? Am I the best wife, mom, friend, daughter, servant of the Most High God that I could possibly be? No. Too often, I settle for second-best. I stop at mediocrity and I fail to give it everything that I am. I'm not OK with that.
I don't covet that business woman's job. I don't believe that my job is less important or less respectable. But I do covet her approach to life. She inspired me to be better at what I do; to take a step back and re-kindle my passion and enthusiasm.
Just don't expect to find me sporting a Coach handbag...I come into full-body-contact with ketchup WAY too often!
9 comments:
I fully support your pursuit of excellence. You, your family and God all deserve the best you can be.
But be careful, it is so easy to equate excellence with tasks and appearance at the expense of relationships and being. Jesus praised Mary sitting by His side and told Martha her pursuit of excellence as a host was misplaced.
The only thing you know about the woman at the restaurant is how she looked and that she appeared organized. Families don't require (or even tolerate) organization. What your chosen career demands is love, acceptance, nurturing, and grace. That may look messy to others - or yourself - but it is the real stuff of a real successful life.
You are where you are for an exact purpose and reason my friend.
And your Abba is right. She may be wearing her husbands underpants under that neat suit b/c she didn't have time to do laundry before she had to run to work and then thanks of all thanks get everyone in the office lunch even though she spent no less than $80,000 on a college education and all she has to show for it is "administrative assistant" listed on her resume.
And who knows, maybe she went out and blogged how she wishes she could really devote her heart to being an excellent wife, mother, friend and servant of our Most Holy God b/c she saw the most beautiful hearted mother and child at lunch today. :)
Beautiful--and just what I needed this week. I feel like quitting this job I signed up for. But I agree with everything you said. I was planning to write about this same topic, and now I don't have to. Last week my 14-year old daughter came into the bathroom while I was fixing my hair, put her arms around me and said, "I like you!" My teenager likes me. I'd never have said that to my mom--isnt' that sad? But I didn't like her. My most earnest prayer when I was pregant was, "Please God, help me. I don't want my baby to hate me." I think that would qualify as being "in His will"--He has blessed me so!
Thanks guys! And Dad, I know. It's the heart/relationship stuff that I'm talking about. I'm good at keeping the "exteriors" in high-working order. It's the stuff that really counts that I have the hardest time not being lazy about!! To take the time to have spiritual talks when I'm tired or busy and would rather just say, "Go play"; to have patience when someone spills milk IN (IN!!!) my fridge for the 14 millionth time; etc. :-)
You are doing beautifully baby girl.
And your desire to be even better will in fact be used by God to make you better. Just remember change comes in His time be patient and wait for it. The race the apostle Paul so desired to finish well was a marathon not a sprint!
Love ya
"And what so ever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men." I like that. Colossians, I think. Don't have time to look it up. Seems to cover all the bases though, whether we find ourselves in the work place, at home, at church, or out to eat. I admit to being particularly good at "eating heartily." I have to work on the "unto the Lord" aspect of that behavior.
I've owned a company that has employed predominantly single moms, some married, some "living in sin", some alone. I have an employee by the name of Karla and she is my hero. At any time there are as many as fifteen thousand cleaners working for our company nation wide. In 2001 Karla was named "Team Mate of the Year." She was considered the finest employee in our entire national network. I have never met anyone who has been as excellent in their field of endeavor as Karla. No business person, no athlete, no lawyer, no doctor, no engineer. Karla is "The Best." She is genuinely elite. Yet, if Karla had stood next to the woman at Olive Garden as you did...she would have been intimidated. Where is the justice in that?
Exellence seems to be something that, from a worldly view, is quite subjective. It is often a weapon. It certainly is not simply found in the way we dress, or even in our competencies. Karla also lost a son to a drowning accident in 2002. She screamed, cried, burried, mourned, re-committed herself to the Lord, to her younger son, to her second husband who doesn't beat her, and her church. She came back to work continuing her life of excellence on the job. Still here, every day.
Every day I encounter Karla, I look at her and I am intimidated, ever convicted. She cleans toilets, scubs bath tubs and showers, shines kitchen sinks, vacuums upholstery, shakes rugs. This morning she brought tulips in a vase for everyone to enjoy in the office.
There is a lesson in this. Oz Guineess suggests in his wonderful book, "The Long Journey Home" that we who seek the Lord should seek His calling. Nothing is more excellent than that. Nothing. When we seek "the call" excellence, true excellence, will not be a goal, it will never intimidate. It will be a fruit, or a flower that others will be blessed by.
So, bless others and be content. Delilah, you seem to be on the right track. XOX
Amen sister - beautifully said! Now I just need to live that way. ;-) Friend, you do an awesome job!
Bert
Hi Bert!!!
Thanks - you do an awesome job yourself! :-)
Ditto, Babe! You could be my twin! We MUST spend more time together.
(FYI: I used to pick up lunch for an office I worked for...not fun! They picked the lowest on the pole to do that job! Although, I did love getting out of the office to smell fresh air!)
I sorta miss working BUT I know I would miss my family MORE! I am just so thankful that we don't NEED me to work. It's wonderful to pour myself into raising our family....not pour myself into a random job.
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