I know, Patrick Henry said "liberty." This morning, I'm changing the quote.
I would really like to portray the image that my family is perfect. That my children are always respectful and obedient to their parents, and kind and loving to one another. That I am never impatient or irritable, and thus my children have never learned to be impatient or irritable with each other. That our family exists in a perfect state of harmony at all times.
Well, it doesn't. (I know, I can feel your shock from here.) And, frankly, right at this moment, I would gladly trade my very life for a moment of peace and tranquility amongst my children. So, I repeat, "Give me peace, or (please!) give me death."
I need some other mothers out there to chime in and tell me that I am not alone in this battle! Someone else needs to tell me that there are days (weeks) when their children roll out of bed snarling at each other in the morning, and fall asleep still snipping at each other that night. Because if I am alone in this ugly battle, I think I may very well just sit down on my bed and cry. The breakfast table this morning echoed with the following dialogue:
"Uh-huh"
"Uh-uh"
"Uh-huh"
"Uh-uh"
*dirty look thrown across the table at sibling for good measure*
"Uh-huh"
"Uh-uh...."
It continued the entire morning. About everything, and nothing. It only finally stopped because I banned all four of them from speaking to each other. Literally. And it wasn't done in a kind, gentle voice.
Every morning before I pull the truck out of the garage to drive my children to school, we pray together. We pray for safety, good choices to be made, Godly friends to be chosen, little hearts that love Jesus more and more each day, etc. I didn't want to pray this morning. I was too crabby, and I didn't think God would appreciate my attitude, or those of my children. But, I never want to give my children the impression that they should only pray when they want to, or when they feel like it, or when they have their act together. So, I prayed anyway. I said, "Lord, I don't even feel like praying this morning." I figure David got to be brutally honest in the Psalms, so why can't I? I asked God to bring the peace that only He can give to our family, and to throw in an extra dose (or 3 or 5) of patience for me. When I got done, my son said, "Mom, that was a funny prayer *giggle*." Hey, some mornings you pray for what you gotta!
I have this little book by Ruth Bell Graham, where she shares snippets of her experiences as a mother. It gives me no small comfort this morning to know that she fought this same battle with her children. Children who, before reading this book, I just assumed must have been perfect!! She records much discord happening over the years between her children, even in the form of knock-down, drag-out fights. Glory be! Even Ruth Bell Graham could not completely contain her children!! In one chapter, she laments the squabbling that never seems to stop among her children, and then says this about her role as a mother in it:
"There is a vital difference between 'pacifist' and 'peacemaker.' Occasionally the peacmaker has to whip the daylights out of the troublemakers in order to have peace. And Jesus never said, 'Blessed are the pacifists' but 'Blessed are the peacemakers.' Isaiah 41:15 has helped put a bit of 'fight' in me: With God's help, we can 'thresh the mountains, and beat them small.' Psalm 18:43: 'Thou hast delivered me from the strivings of the people.' Verse 47: 'It is God that...subdueth the people under me.' We can lick this evil. With His help we will. A happy, well-disciplined, well-ordered, loving home is our spiritual right."
Amen, sister Ruth!! O Lord God, deliver me from the strivings of my children today!!
7 comments:
I must say, even though you were trying to be transparent about the rotten stuff, it still seemed so nice and controlled. I don't mean that in a bad or mean way--I just think it's what we do--still protecting our images. Hey, but at least you actually prayed. If I were going to write about the trouble in my last few weeks, it would include revelations like: I bawled in front my kids, I said to my family that my life has no purpose, I used mean, saracastic words, I sat in my pajamas until nearly supper, I cried myself to sleep, my husband wants me to see a counselor--real ugly stuff. But I'm not allowed to be that transparent am I? I might regret it? People might think the "wrong" thing about me. Yes, D., we're all in this together--mothering is a sacrifice. I hope God sees it that way. I'm so afraid he's going to say, "Your job wasn't difficult--you should have been thankful. Yada. Yada." I'm sorry you're having one of those weeks. I can totally relate. I've been having one of those years. (Isn't it true that misery loves company?) If this is too transparent, please help me out and delete it!
It's not too transparent. I've walked that path as well, and it's not pretty. I'm convinced that "the ugly" is pretty ugly no matter who you are!
I seem to vacillate wildly between being thankful for my job as a mom, and frantically looking for the resignation box! I think it comes with the territory. It occurs to me that war is never pretty. And isn't that what we're in? A war for our children's souls, hearts, minds and bodies. Our enemy is relentless, and discouragment and despair are some of his favorite weapons. Hang in there Kristi - it's worth it!
The evil one knows that if he can get moms to disengage he will have won half the battle. As a mom you are the defense line to showing the kids how to navigate through strife, dislike, and anger. And even if you don't get it right all the time, when you do it's a powerful thing. Just remember it is more than he plans on giving to them.
It sounds like we need to get together and pray, Girls! (Dee and Kristi...you're currently being prayed for!)
There are times when we just need our sister's (and brothers) in Christ to lean on and have their support till we can walk on our own two feet.
Dee, I sure hope that Hannah doesn't make your life worse. I'll make sure I drill into her before she arrives tonight! She better be an angel for you!!
See you tonight!
Jenny -
Don't worry about Hannah - we're looking forward to having her! Things are going better this afternoon (of course, that could be because only half my kids are home...) :-)
And thanks for the prayer. Prayer is part of our job, ladies!! I strongly believe that it goes along with being a wife and mom. We have a responsibility to pray for our kids, our husbands and our fellow mommy friends!! :-)
Oh, D, I'm with ya. Sometimes the girls love each other so tenderly and sweetly. So how can they then turn around and act like arch enemies!
And the arguing over nothing -- aargh! Drives me batty!!! ("ooh, that silly hat, that's for babies." "No it's not." "Yes it is." That's exactly what I heard right now as I type this...)
But the bigger problem over here today is crying -- middle kid woke up in a bad mood for whatever reason and, since then, every little thing has set her off. Including when I accidentally poured orange juice on her cereal instead of milk. Yeah, it's one of those days...
I was once of those squabbling children. It seemed like we were always fussing over something. It actually got physical many times. If it is any comfort to you, they will probably grow and and have children just like them!!! What a great example you will have left them in parenting though!! God will bless your faithfulness.
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