I hate PMS. More specifically, I hate myself with PMS. People generally describe me as a sweet person. The term "bubbly" is often used. Clearly, those people have never run into me during a PMS-induced moment. My husband and I watched the movie, "The Incredible Hulk" last night (dumb movie). Even if you haven't seen the movie, you probably know the basic premise of the story: ordinary, unassuming fella with SERIOUS anger-management problems. You make him mad and all of the sudden his eyes flash green, his body blows up to ridiculous proportions, ripping his clothes to shreds, and he screams into the air (or at the person who made him angry) with murderous rage. The first thing I thought when saw it was, "Wow, I never knew men could suffer from PMS!"
I'm starting to think that I should mark these few days on my calendar in red. Then I can just lock myself in my room till it's over. I'm relatively certain my family would offer their whole-hearted support of that plan. It's really hard for them to do anything right when I'm in this condition. It's amazing what happens to my emotions. Everything seems to irritate me - from the shopping cart at Walmart that that only turns left, to the nasal quality of someone's voice, to the person who drives 45 miles per hour in a 45 mile per hour zone. It's pretty common knowledge that hormone fluctuations have a tendency to make women cry, but have you ever considered what that looks like in a woman who cries at the drop of a hat under NORMAL circumstances? It's ridiculous.
My 8-year-old daughter has entered a stage in life that drives her to...shall we say "push"?...on a variety of subjects. She pushes my buttons as though she custom designed them herself. I know this is normal. Under normal circumstances, it requires a lot of Mom-patience to calmly navigate these waters, but we manage relatively well. During PMS...well, I haven't yet found a good way to calmly look my daughter in the eye and explain to her in no uncertain terms that TODAY is not a good day to try to start a war with Mom. That goes for all of the kids, really. Adults? They can see a bad mood coming and side-step it graciously. Kids? Not so much.
"What's the matter, Mom?"
"Why are you crying, Mom?"
"You're crabby today, Mom."
"Did you read your Bible this morning, Mom?"
"HehitmeMomshe'sbuggingmeMomIneedyouMomMomMomMomMomMOMMOMMOMMOMMOM!!!"
Do they not understand that their emotional well-being is at risk?!?
I also have a strong need for sugar during this time. Very. Strong. Need. If it contains sugar, it will not survive PMS in this house. This is where the Hulk's body-blowing-up-till-it-shreds-his-clothes thing comes in. Rationally considered, sugar consumption is not the wisest choice of action during this time. Now, Mom is not only cranky, she's completely strung-out, hopped-up, doped, jittery, and otherwise wired on fructose! That knowledge has never stopped me.
If you ever happen to cross paths with me and I have that PMS-blaze in my eyes, just hand me a box of kleenex and a pound of chocolate (milk, not dark) and then run for your life. I'm sure there won't be many comments to this post...I imagine you're all a little scared of me right now. That's OK, I probably shouldn't be talking to anyone anyway.
I'm going to get my hair foiled today. That'll be good. A rest, a break, feel a little bit better about myself, give my family a breather. I sure hope the hair-dresser lady doesn't have a nasally voice.
11 comments:
Now that I have this week marked in RED on MY calendar, we can plan our visits for the bubbly weekends. I can still remember those wonderful PMS eclipse times, when you and your mother where in alignment – way better than those lunar tables for finding the best times to go fishing!
yep-
I get this and I'll bet my family does too! But I have come with good news (well kind of)
When my daughter started getting all freakish with her PMS issues I got more scared of her than I am of me right now... LOL... Suddenly everyone thought I was saintly all during the month and we all know when my sweet girl starts turning green and yelling there's nothing to eat in this house to steer clear.
Now that I've said all that I just remembered that you have 3 daughters...mmmmmmmm ok nevermind. Maybe you and Samson and jr get go away often ;)
LOL Missy! Samson and Samson Jr. are already shaking in their boots in anticipation of those years. My husband doesn't fish. I'm thinking he might start by then! :-)
Dad - now that I'm gone and Mom is...getting older...(tee hee), the waters over at your house must be pretty calm, eh? :-)
Oh, it's so nice to have friends who can make me laugh out loud! Thanks! And hope you enjoyed your foiling.
Mark and I were just talking. It's been researched that MEN too have a "cycle". (and I'm not refering to sex every 24 hours....actually I think it's every 72 hours. Ask Dr. Dobson...we learned that from him. That's a real stat.) :) So, woman aren't the only ones who have "moments" on a regular basis.
Hey, have you seen the PMS episode from Everybody Loves Raymond? Rent it. It's great. I even laughed. So, it must be funny. Although, you may not be in the mood to laugh right now. Just wait a few days.
Well, we also have 3 daughters and one son. I also grew up in a house with 3 daughters and one son. So, I know what it's like. My brother is now a police officer....if that tells you anything! :) Actually, my mom told us girls to leave my brother alone. She figured that commercials/magazines already pushed it in his face. So, we were not allowed to mention ANYTHING about it...ever.
We survive here with TV/movies on a little longer during that week. That way the kids don't bother me at all. Mark also doesn't talk for the week. It works great! We ALL adjust to make things run smoothly.
Last words...Pamprin! It's a blessing from God. Mark buys it in bulk!
We just make sure that I have my meds close by.
That's why I just try to ALWAYS be a little on edge, that way the fam can never blame PMS, it's just me! LOL
BTW, those "button pushers" are already starting their own hormonal patterns. I'm convinced that's why they push.
J - I think you may be onto something with that hormonal thing in girls. I told Samson not to long ago that that's EXACTLY what her behavior seems like! I wouldn't have expected those fluctuations until puberty, but what do I know?!?
I must agree the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond with Deborah and her PMS had me laughing the entire time I watched! One of the funniest shows I've seen :)
Jenny & Missy -
I will definitely have to check that one out! :-) BTW - I'm better now...so no one has to be scared of me anymore. :-)
Hummmm? I'm not sure I should be here? Too much knowledge? Nahh. I have three daughters, a wife of 33 years, had two older sisters, my first boss in life was a woman, and I run a company that has had as many at 35 women employed with me being the only male. I can handle anything! I keep a full box of Kleenex on the front corner of my desk. I replace it with a new one every couple of weeks. I never need them myself. Don't mean that to sound sexist or anything...its just the way it is. I'd be a better man if I cried more I am sure. But, with all the lamentation that goes on at the shop and at home, from time to time, I just find I am better off dry eyed. LOL.
Interestingly this last week I purchased the first fishing pole I have ever owned in my entire life. I am going fishing for the first time in 30 years and it will be at Lake of the Woods, Canada.
I have reached my late fifties without fishing. It has saved me much money. Yet, I wonder whether I, and the women in my life, would have been happier had I taken the sport up earlier. Seems to me to be a good opportunity for a scientific analysis. Perhaps Samson can start now, early in life, and report back to me, just before I die of old age, as to whether non-fishing or fishing is better to help cope with some of life's "little problems." Whether by then I will still care is another matter.
Samson will have an easier road than I. Though I have never regretted the absense of a son in my life (though now I have a wonderful son-in-law) Samson having a couple will, as the famous line in "Field of Dreams" says, ease his pain. My advice to Samson is to take those boys fishin for fishin's sake. To me fishing should never be an escape. Fishing should be a quest. When father and sons return, regardless of Mom's and sister's condition, they should come home...transformed.
Get out there Samson! GO FISH.
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