My husband and I want to launch a new invention - "The Gimme Kid." This would be every parent's trial run at parenting - the first parental experience before the real kids come down the pike. The gimme kid would manifest no lasting effects as the result of your many parenting mistakes, and would be largely experimental. At the end of its youth, you would simply package it up and return it to the factory, no harm done. Then you would proceed on with your real family, smarter for all the experience you had gained as a parent. (My husband and I would name our gimme kid, Mulligan.)
The gimme kid would allow parents the advantage of being able to look back and say, "Oh yes, I remember this. It turned out to be not that big of a deal - just a stage, really. We can just sit back and relax through this part." Or, "Oh boy, do you remember this part, honey? We seriously screwed up Mulligan when we decided to do x,y and z. Let's take a different course this time."
We'd be such better parents.
I have a constant sense of deja vu with my fourth child. She's such a little miniature version of our first child. The experience we gained as parents with our first child really didn't buy us much with our second and third. They are completely different people, and require parenting skills that are different than the first time around. But the fourth one...she's a lot like her biggest sister. I'm such a better parent with her. It makes me sad. I look at our firstborn and think, Man, I wish I wasn't so green with you. I wish I knew what I was doing when you throw us a curve ball. You deserve an expert!
As much as the gimme kid appeals to my perfectionistic personality, it just doesn't work that way. Obviously. And I can't shake the unsettling feeling that God likes it this way. I think He harbors the suspicion that I wouldn't hit my knees anywhere near as often if I had any vague notion that I knew what I was doing. He's probably right. And I would guess that the resulting position I'm stuck in is called faith. Apropos in our case.
4 comments:
When we talk about the "gimmes" and kids...Mark and I say, "NO" all the time. I hate saying the word - NO. I wish I could say - YES more often. They just don't get it (the reason why) at this age.
There are lots of things that I want. (new mattress, wooden privacy fence, steel appliances...the list goes on) Mark and I don't talk about the stuff we want and never get. Well, we decided that maybe we SHOULD talk more about the things that mom and dad want and don't buy. We want them to learn WHY we don't buy whatever we want. I hope they can see/learn how we deal with the "loss" of our wants. I also want them to see how thankful we are with what God has given us.
Dee, you and Sam may have made some mistakes (join the club) but you have very kind/loving children. I (Mark too) am pretty picky about who plays with our kids and I love it when our children play together. Hannah looks at your oldest child and adores her. Hannah had needed good (girl) examples to follow and we are pleased that she is developing a relationship with your child #1. :)
Thanks, Jenny! :-) Don't get me wrong - I think my #1 is a FANTASTIC kid (all 4 of them, actually)...I just wish it didn't all feel so experimental sometimes!
Isn't it just amazing that God uses your parenting skills (whatever level of expertise) to teach your children His ways and His character, appropriate for their ability (maturity) to understand; while at the same time using your lack of parenting skills to teach you His ways and His character, appropriate for your ability (maturity) to understand.
Again, such a well-written post! I love your "voice", your reflections. And as I read Abba's comments, it becomes clear the apple didn't fall far from the tree... ; )
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