The First Day of School

Wake up early
sink into the sofa
lamp is glowing
coffee steaming
bow my head
heart filled with pleas
Lord, hold them today
keep them safe
guide their feet
guard their hearts
quicken their minds
they've always been Yours
today, I really feel it

The oldest slips upstairs
it's barely 7:00
she's fully dressed
teeth brushed, hair fixed
she's been awake since 6:30
reading her Bible
in her bed
too excited to sleep
wasn't it just yesterday
she was 6 pounds
and wrapped in a pink blanket?
now my chin rests on her head

Here come her sisters
bright blue eyes, morning jitters
little giggles over cinnamon rolls
their brother follows behind
scared, teary-eyed
today is so hard for him
I'll miss you today, mom
I'll miss you too, son
you can't know how much
I swallow my heartbreak
and wear a smile
he needs my strength

Lunches are packed
don't forget the fruit cup
eat more than just chips
backpacks are ready
go to the bathroom
put shoes on
we're ready
we are ready...aren't we?

Questions from the backseat
what if I get lost?
will you walk me to the door?
what if math is too hard?
will my teacher be nice?
how long till we come home?
don't worry, I tell them
you can do this, you're ready
and it's true, they are
but am I?

Pick up daddy from work
his presence is calming
he is strength and security
it's all going to be OK
drive to the school
park the car
pile out
don't forget your backpacks

We walk together
six of us
not five, not seven
six...complete
we're strong this way
but we have to say goodbye
we have to stand alone
we walk to their lines
first the youngest
here we are, see your friend?
there's your teacher
dad will wait here with you
baby sister will stay too

Walk on to the next line
Now we're three, not six
oh look, here's your line
and yours, just over there
snap some pictures
I love you
your brother needs me
will you be OK?
of course
she's the oldest
she swallows her nerves
for the sake of her brother
and lets me go
what would I do without her?

More tears
it's hard to grow up
I'm so glad he can cry
not all boys can
I love you, my son
it will all be OK
I'm minutes away
and at the end of the day
I'm the first face you'll see
you can do this
I will my own strength
into his little heart
please, Lord, let him feel You
I can't go with him, You can

The bell rings
here we go
catch her eye
blow a kiss
hold his hand
all the way to the door
we have to let go
he hates to
so do I
I watch them
disappear down the hall
catch one last glimpse

I turn and cross the playground
my tears finally fall
he can't see me any longer
and I've been strong long enough
their daddy smiles at me
puts his hand on my shoulder
they'll make it, mom
he says...so will you
we climb in the truck
drive slowly away
one last check
everybody in?
no one lost?
driving off
without my heart
it's still back there
in three pieces

We drop daddy off
back to work
wave goodbye
there I sit
bereft
I feel alone
no, wait...
still one small person
in the backseat
I look through blurry eyes
there she is
soft blond hair
rosy cheeks
sparkling blue eyes
smiling back at me
thank you, God!
her little voice asks
do I get to have
all the toys
all to myself
all day?
too good to be true!
I laugh through my tears

Run errands
play together
meet daddy
for a special lunch
clean a little
is it time yet?
we get there early
don't want to be late
we plunk ourselves
in the front of the crowd
I want them to see
my face first

Heart racing
almost time now
will they find the right door?
will someone guide them?
will they find each other?
come out together
like I told them to?
there they are!
here they come!
they're smiling!
hugs and kisses
how did the day go?
was it all OK?
he looks at me and grins
it was perfect, he says
perfect?! thank you, God!!

Daddy comes home
it's dinnertime
we sit down
join hands
I look around the table
six chairs
six of us
complete
perfect
finally...
my heart is back!