Faith Steps

A step of faith always feels like a free fall to me.  One big, bold step followed by stomach-vanishing, heart-in-throat, where’d-the-ground-go? panic.  I used to think that after this many years of trusting Jesus I’d be able to shake that feeling – that my steps into thin air would begin to feel confident and sure.  Matrix-like.

I’m still terrified.

God has proven Himself over and over again in my life.  He is faithful, and not just on paper.  He has been faithful to me.  In my need, He has been sufficient.  In my weakness, He has been strong.  He has taken my impossibilities and turned them into strength and beauty.  He has held me close so many times.  I know Him.

I know Him, but I’m far from understanding Him; and I think that’s the part that scares me.  He still moves in ways that baffle me…horrify me even.  I’m sure of His character, but His ways?  He busts out of my boxes All. The. Time.

The more I learn of God, the more I understand that faith doesn’t always equal rescue.  And no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to figure out His rescue/not rescue formula.

Hebrews 11 is filled with stories of men and women who trusted God.  These Biblical heroes who stepped out in faith, “subdued kingdoms, worked righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, became valiant in battle, turned to flight the armies of the aliens…received their dead raised to life again.”

Yes!  Victory!  I love following God!

“Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection.  Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment.  They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted, were slain with the sword.  They wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented – of whom the world was not worthy.”

Umm, God?  Was that in the fine print?

When it comes right down to it, I think that faith clings to the fact that God is good, even when His definition of good is different than mine.  I think that honest believers hold up God’s unfathomable will in one hand and their own containable will in the other and ask themselves this question, “Can I trust that God’s will is ultimately, infinitely better than my own?”  True faith answers, “Yes.”

The truth is, when I walk by faith, I have no idea what circumstances I am going to get.  My faith isn’t based on that kind of result.  My faith is based on God’s character, which I already know for sure.  Character which doesn’t spare me from the possibility of failure or shattered dreams, but always replaces my goals and dreams with something infinitely better:  Himself.

When I say, “I’m afraid,” God says, “I AM your shelter.”

When I say, “This hurts,” God says, “I AM your comfort.”

I’m too small for this…I AM a Mighty Warrior

I don’t know where I’m going…I AM the Way

I’ve lost my bearings…I AM the Truth

I can’t breathe…I AM the Life

I would love a Red Sea kind of result to my faith.  Walls fallen, lions tamed, fire quenched…that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!  But I would also like to be able to stand alongside Job, faith-filled and able to say, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.”

I am so weak…I AM strong.

Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.

~Mark 9:24~