Old School Rules

I enjoy having a clean house.  It gives me a pleasant sense of order and well-being.

OK, that makes me sound way more normal and well-adjusted than I really am...

Truth:  when my house is a mess, my stress level instantly spikes, my whole life feels like it’s spinning into chaos, hyperventilation ensues, and I begin barking orders at my “troops” like a hardened drill sergeant.  Call me dramatic, but that’s what happens. Naturally, my husband likes to curb this psychosis before it begins.

One of my nesting pet peeves is a dirty floor.  A clean floor is my love language.  Love the floor, love the woman.  My husband knows this, so he faithfully provides an assortment of tools to help me in my quest for clean floor utopia.  Many years ago, he bought me a small, cordless vacuum that I could use for quick clean-up sorts of jobs – sand from the kids’ shoes in the mudroom, piles of bread crumbs under the table, etc.  It was light and easily maneuverable, and I came to really like having it around.  Problem:  it didn’t last forever.  My husband informed me that this is common for these kinds of cordless devices – the battery turns to junk after a while, and because they’re relatively cheap to buy, they’re also cheaply made.  (I choose to believe that it had nothing, whatsoever, to do with my compulsive over-use of the thing.)  My Man kindly replaced the device for me, and has continued to occasionally do so whenever needed throughout our years of marriage together.

I find my frustration with these devices growing, however.  It seems to take no time at all before the battery charge barely lasts long enough to make it across my kitchen.  And trying to find one that actually creates a good vacuum is nearly impossible.  I reached the breaking point with my most recent device when I found myself vacuuming over the same piece of grass ten times in a futile effort to suck it up.  I finally came to my senses and reached down to pick the dumb grass up with my bare hands, while furiously calculating the cruelest and most painful forms of destruction for my useless vacuum. 

Finally, in a fit of frustration this past week, I broke down and bought a new device.  I was in the market for cheap-but-effective, and, boy, did I find it.  I have discovered the best invention to ever grace the perilous territory of hard-floor cleaning.  I’m almost hesitant to share it with you lest high demand clear the shelves of this beauty…but here it is: it’s a long-handled, hand-powered device that comes equipped with stiff bristles at one end.  It’s amazingly inexpensive, easy to store, and highly effective.  It never breaks down, never needs charging, and the bristles are able to reach into places that my cordless vacuum couldn’t even dream of going.  I believe it’s called a “broom”, and it’s absolutely brilliant!!!

No more messing around with junk cordless vacuums for this domestic diva.  Bring on the sand, dog hair, and miscellaneous food crumbs - I am sweepin’ it old school from now on!