Eyes Up Here

My quiet time this morning was centered around John chapter 21.  It tells the story of the reconciliation between Peter and Jesus, following  Peter’s denial and Jesus’ resurrection.  The devotional I was using pointed out a lesson on friendship. God chose to speak something entirely different to my heart.  God gave me a lesson on comparison.

Comparison is a beast that we all battle.  We know we shouldn’t mess with it, we know it’s destructive, but it rears its ugly head and we engage it all the same.  This beast is the illegitimate progeny of a twisted relationship – a child sired by Insecurity and born to a seductive mother named Fear.  In my life, its favorite battleground is my life’s calling, and it is a skilled warrior.

There are so many Godly women that I greatly respect in this life.  Each unique in her own calling; each beautiful to watch serve the Savior.  My admiration so easily warps, however, as I hold my own life and calling up to theirs.  Well, if she’s doing that with her life and I’m not, then who’s right and who’s wrong?  (Did I mention that I become quite narrow-minded when Comparison beats up on me?)  What if I’m on the wrong path?  What if I’ve missed the proverbial boat?

It seems that Peter, too, fought this same beast on this same ancient battlefield.  From a human perspective, he had every right to feel insecure.  He knew he had screwed up big time.  And although he had just been graciously forgiven, embraced by Jesus, and had his life's calling clearly spelled out for him,  he was still feeling a little shaky.  I can empathize.  So, you know what he did?

He turned around.

Like Lot’s wife…

Like the Israelites freed from Egypt…

He looked back.

And he saw John.

I have to believe that John had the “it” factor.  Of all of His hundreds of disciples, Jesus chose 12 who would be His close companions.  And of those 12, it seems that Peter, James and John were particularly close to Him.  And of those 3 intimate relationships, John was considered the beloved one.  John had a good thing going on.  He was a Godly man – someone to be respected and admired – and he surely had Jesus’ favor.  When Peter felt unsure of himself, it made perfect human sense for him to sneak a glance at John.  Surely, if John was on the same path, then Peter was good to go.

But John wasn’t on the same path.

Scripture doesn’t go into a lot of detail, and the wording is difficult to understand, but one thing seems clear:  Peter was trying to gauge his next move by what John was up to, and he saw some sort of discrepancy between their callings that gave him pause.  And do you know what Jesus said to Peter, while Peter was craning his neck around behind him trying to check out what John was up to?

“What is that to you?”

This is not Jesus at His most polite, soft-spoken moment.  This is Jesus getting all up under Peter’s grill.  What does it matter what John’s doing?  If I have a different plan for his life, what is that to you?  Eyes up here, Peter.  You follow Me.

And I hear the voice of the Ancient of Days echo throughout the centuries into my small, quiet reality.  I feel His hand on my cheek, gently turning my face back toward His.  If I choose to lead that servant of Mine down a path that looks different than yours, what is that to you?  Eyes up here, Elizabeth.  You follow Me.

I’ve been quietly digesting the lives of the people around me for quite some time now, trying to make sense of what I see.  Watching the people I know, watching people from a distance, pondering people's lives I read about in compelling books – all of whom I admire.  The truth is, I know my calling.  But I doubt it from time to time.  And God alters our callings over time, have you ever noticed?  He launches us into new spheres, stretches us, redirects us, uses the gifts He's given us in new ways that we hadn’t imagined yet.  I know this, and I try so hard to listen…to follow.  But when I see someone else on a different path, I start to feel shaky.  Did I miss something, Lord?  Did I not hear You right?  Did I not hear You at all?  Are you sure this is where I’m supposed to be?

There is only one Sword to wield on this battlefield - The Word of God.

Eyes up here, Elizabeth.  What is that to you?  You follow Me.

The other night, I laid in bed with these questions bouncing around in my head.  Eventually, I came to my senses, admitted that fretting is just plain crazy when the God of the universe is on your side, and started talking to Him about how I was feeling.  I asked my questions, I left it in His hands, and I went to sleep.

It’s amazing to me how unbound by time Jesus is.  For my morning quiet time, I use a devotional guide that was written years ago.  The passage I was going to read this morning was already determined.  And yet God used it to answer a prayer that I brought before Him just 2 days ago.

Truly, there is no one like our God.